


One Way Ticket to Heaven

by DanaiaCake



Series: DanaiaCake’s Haikyuu Angst Fics [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Promises, iwaoi - Freeform, oikawa's last wish/es
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:14:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanaiaCake/pseuds/DanaiaCake
Summary: Sometimes, he would dream of him.He would be looking radiant, youthful. No hint of the illness that took his life. He would smile at him and his brown eyes would sparkle with mirth. He would even laugh and the sound would be boisterous, nothing like the raspy, throaty kind.Sometimes, he would hear a voice along with the sound of his laughter. Sometimes, the voice would even call him.Iwa-chan.That annoying nickname. And it would make him smile. But when he opened his eyes, he would never be there. And the dream would disappear.---a.k.a. the sequel to Oikawa's Last Wish/es.The story follows years after the death of Oikawa Tooru.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: DanaiaCake’s Haikyuu Angst Fics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912909
Comments: 78
Kudos: 1249
Collections: haikyuu





	One Way Ticket to Heaven

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Oikawa's Last Wish/es](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554512) by [DanaiaCake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanaiaCake/pseuds/DanaiaCake). 



> This sequel is not supposed to happen but your constant love for my fanfic, Oikawa's Last Wish/es inspired me to write this. Also, this story has been stuck in my head for years already but now was the only time I decided to actually put it down in writing so, yay!
> 
> This is not supposed to be sad. This is supposedly sweet and supposed to appease your hurt from the original fic so if you're looking for hurt, maybe look elsewhere.
> 
> If you haven't read the original fic, check it out here: [**Oikawa's Last Wish/es**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554512)

_Sometimes, he would dream of him._

_He would be looking radiant, youthful. No hint of the illness that took his life. He would smile at him and his brown eyes would sparkle with mirth. He would even laugh and the sound would be boisterous, nothing like the raspy, throaty kind._

_Sometimes, he would hear a voice along with the sound of his laughter. Sometimes, the voice would even call him._

_Iwa-chan._

_That annoying nickname. And it would make him smile. But when he opened his eyes, he would never be there. And the dream would disappear._

—

**20 minutes until the next train arrives.**

Iwaizumi’s eyes snapped open with a start at the sound of the long, whiny horn of a train departing followed by the clickity-clack of its wheels turning against the metal rails.

It was like getting roused from a bad dream. The first thing he noticed was how incredibly cold he was. He zipped up his jacket and pulled up his hood before looking around.

He was in an empty train station. It was nothing like the stations in Tokyo or Osaka or any other train stations he was used to— _no,_ this one looked like one might see in the furthest towns of the city. With only two rusty railways to accommodate any train that might come.

It wasn’t that old of a station, but evidence of neglect was obvious with the cracks on the wall, peeling paint, aged wooden beams, and rusty metal posts holding up the rickety roof.

He was sitting down on a bench, the one nearest the stairs which led to a floor below him and he was wondering how the hell did he get here. But the thing was, save for what happened in the few moments after he woke up, he had no recollection of anything. That, and the dream he had.

A cold gust of wind blew hard and the temperature felt genuinely uncomfortable against his feverish skin. _Why was it so cold?_ There was no visible snow on the horizon—in fact, there was really nothing visible beyond the train station which he found weird. Oddly enough, despite his mysterious predicament, he was unexpectedly calm.

He stood up, kicked his shoes against the asphalt to regain blood circulation on his leg, and looked around. He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep because his body felt sore and sluggish like he had been sleeping in the wrong position for a long time.

When he looked around properly this time, he noticed that he wasn’t completely alone, which was another weird thing because he could have sworn he was alone when he woke up.

There were a couple of people standing by the platform and some, sitting on the stone benches lined up against the wall—their expressions ranged from gloomy to peaceful. Nobody looked in his direction and nobody paid him any mind. He noticed, however, that despite the range of people there, nobody seemed to belong in a group or had come here together. It looked a bit lonely.

Beyond the station was an endless gray horizon and nothing else. It was the perfect background to the red ominous numbers of a led clock hanging from the ceiling counting the minutes until the next train arrived. 

_Where am I? What am I doing here?_

His mind wandered off aimlessly, trying to find answers to the endless questions in his head. He definitely couldn’t remember himself taking off from or trying to go to someplace so why was he in a train station? And which station was he in? There were no usual signages visible… except one hanging on the metal beams over the railway but the letters were foreign and he couldn’t read it.

He needed to go to the operator’s office which he was pretty sure was just downstairs, considering that was the only visible way out of the station. 

He was about to head down when someone walked past him, bumping him roughly. He almost lost his footing, but he managed to stay upright because he always had impeccable reflexes and a good sense of balance. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He was quick to apologize because though he knew it wasn’t his fault, he still had manners.

“Sorry about that,” Echoed an apology. The person was a man with fluffed up chocolate brown hair and eyes which reminded Iwaizumi of the color of warm chocolate.

He looked a little younger than him—probably in his late twenties and the guy had a lean slightly muscular build while being a couple of inches taller than him. Out of all the gloomy people around, the man looked jolly and despite saying sorry, he didn’t look sorry at all. 

His mouth was pulled in a wide grin when he spoke, but Iwaizumi saw a fleeting look of shock flash by the man’s brown eyes followed by the confusion which he could have just imagined because it was gone in just a few seconds.

The guy also looked better than the rest of the people there… him, included. Probably because there was an ostentatious air surrounding him. Like a beacon of light was following him wherever and whenever he moved.

The guy gave him a small smile which made his heart skip a beat. Iwaizumi didn’t expect such a gentle expression to appear on the man’s pompous face, but his smile was, if he was being honest… _breathtaking._

“Did you just arrive?” he asked and Iwaizumi frowned at the odd question. How should he answer it because he couldn’t even remember going there but what bothered him was the way he asked the question—like he knew Iwaizumi should be _here_. 

Nevertheless, Iwaizumi just shrugged because he was the first person who seemed to have an idea where he is, “I guess so… I don’t know how I got here, though.”

The man frowned at him then asked again, “You don’t know what happened to you? You don’t remember how you got here?”

Iwaizumi was getting more confused with what he was asking and how he was talking to Iwaizumi like he knew him from the past. He shook his head and the man’s frown deepened, “Do you remember your name?”

It was Iwaizumi’s turn to frown, “Yes, of course. Iwaizumi Hajime.” 

His face brightened up at that, “Ah good. You haven’t completely forgotten yet.” His relieved face transformed when Iwaizumi merely gawked at him.

“What do you mean exactly?”

Instead of answering, the man leaned forward, bending a few inches down so their faces were only inches apart and Iwaizumi flinched away at the sudden close proximity, making the taller man laugh.

Iwaizumi gaped at him… admiring how his laughter sounds and looks like. He wasn’t restraining himself, too—letting his shoulders shake with every peal of laughter that seemed to come from the very core of his body.

Iwaizumi was mystified by the sound, but he was also getting impatient. He needed to get home fast because— _okay, that was weird._ He couldn’t very well remember why he wanted to go home nor where he lived.

He shook his head and rubbed his eyes hoping it would bring him back to his senses. His head hurt. He heard the man gasp, saw his eyes widen in pleasant surprise, “Wow! Were you married?”

He was looking at his hand and Iwaizumi raised his hands to see—a platinum ring on his ring finger. “Uh… I guess so.” _Except he couldn’t remember if he really was or what his wife’s name is._ “I… don’t…”

The guy smiled understandingly at him, which didn’t help his confusion in any way. It was getting really annoying, “Why are you not freaked out by any of these?”

The man didn’t answer but gave him a bittersweet smile. It tugged on his heart. He looked awfully familiar… like something about him makes Iwaizumi feel at ease. Iwaizumi then realized that he didn’t even know the man’s name, “Who are you, really?”

The man blinked back at him in surprise before his face blossomed into another beautiful smile, “Oh, right. I forgot to introduce myself.” He hummed to himself, as if he’s considering what he would say next and then finally responded, “I’m what they call the _Guide._ ”

**15 minutes until the next train arrives.**

“ _Guide?”_ Iwaizumi raised a brow, “That’s a weird name.”

“It’s foreign,” Guide responded, shrugging. Iwaizumi didn’t believe him one bit but chose not to say anything.

He, instead, looked around again at the strange surroundings and the unlively people, noticing how their earlier conversation which he was sure was too loud in public did nothing to elicit any form of response from them. 

_Yes, it was definitely weird._ “Where am I exactly?”

"A train station.” Guide replied unhelpfully. Iwaizumi wanted to roll his eyes but he was too decent to do it. Instead, he sighed, “I can see that. But I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

Guide hummed his response and then turned to him with a curious expression, “How old are you?”

The question seemed simple, but Iwaizumi thought hard and long as he couldn’t seem to remember exactly. In the end, he only gave a ballpark figure which was stupid considering it was his age, “Thirty-seven, I think?” to which Guide’s eyes widened in surprise and a bit of gloom, “You’re too early. Are you really supposed to be here?” 

He sounded concerned… _really concerned._

“I don’t even know where _here_ is exactly. And you seem to be so keen on not telling me either.”

Guide blinked at him then chuckled blankly, carding through his fringes before turning to him with an intense gaze, “I’m not allowed to tell you until I know you’re here to ride the train.”

“Why is that?”

“Because some people are not supposed to be here.” He responded.

The situation was getting on his nerves—he was confused and the only man who was talking to him was speaking in riddles, but he maintained his calm, “I don’t know what you mean by that. How would I know if I’m supposed to ride the train? Isn’t that the only way I could go home?”

Guide frowned, his brown eyes getting darker and Iwaizumi began to wonder where he saw those eyes before but dismissed the thought as soon as it came. “Well, just check if you have a ticket.” he said a little too impatiently, “Check your pocket. You must have hidden it somewhere.”

Iwaizumi didn’t understand what he was trying to imply because he definitely doesn’t remember buying any form of a ticket but the look on the man’s face convinced him to check his pockets.

He dug on the pockets of his pants and felt nothing; he checked his coat and gasped when he felt a single smooth piece of paper inside his left pocket.

He stared blankly at the train ticket he pulled out from his pocket. Wide eyes turning to Guide’s brown, sullen ones and he couldn’t mistake the sadness he saw.

He looked down at the ticket again—it wasn’t the typical ticket, too. There was no logo of the train company, no time of departure and arrival… not even a destination. Only two words were written on it bold, black letters:

**ONE WAY.**

The words intimidated him and the promise of not returning somehow formed a lump at the back of his throat. He didn’t know why it felt like that because he could just walk out now and go home to his family… to his _wife_ whom he couldn’t even remember.

Guide sighed and sat down on the bench he was sleeping on earlier. He gazed up at Iwaizumi, his somber expression unwavering and he felt like reaching out to him but he didn’t because despite being nice, Guide was still a stranger.

 _And yet,_ there was a voice inside his head telling him he knew the guy somewhere… that he was familiar because he knew him somewhere, he couldn’t remember. Like he belonged to a piece of his past that was slowly fading away.

Guide turned to the people waiting by the train, particularly at an elderly couple who sat silently beside one another. They were not talking to each other, but the man was cupping his wife’s hand like it was made of gold. “They came here a few days before you did. They came one right before the other. Isn’t that sweet?”

Iwaizumi blinked, unsure what to make of it. It was impossible for people to be allowed to stay in a train station for days, “Why don’t they just board the train?”

Guide shrugged, “Who knows? Maybe they’re not ready yet to forget. Once you board the train, that’s it. You lose memories instantly. And some of them are too precious for people to throw away.” Iwaizumi thought he wasn’t making any sense. He then, turned to one girl standing very near the edge of the platform, looking lost, “Suicide.” He said as casually as possible.

 _What?_ Iwaizumi turned to him who was still looking at the girl. “What suicide? You mean she attempted to kill herself?”

“No.” He replied softly, “She did succeed. Now she’s here.”

That was the last straw. Iwaizumi glared at Guide and hissed, “What are you saying? I don’t understand!” He was already raising his voice but Guide wasn’t paying any attention. He was roll calling the people by the train station like it was totally normal: the man on the corner drowned, the woman looking lost sitting on the bench on the far right died of childbirth.

These things didn’t make any sense in Iwaizumi’s head and he felt tremendous fear at the implication of these facts… If they hold true. _What does that mean of me?_

Before he realized it, he was already biting down his lower lip and clenching his fists stubbornly to the side. “Stop it. Stop. STOP.”

Guide paused, and gave him a quiet smile, “Okay.” Iwaizumi didn’t even realize he was crying until he had to wipe his tears before they fell. His senses went into an overdrive because he can’t possibly be… _no, he was just lost._ This wasn’t real. 

Iwaizumi was on the verge of a panic attack and he tried to calm himself through deep, unsteady breaths. When he finally calmed down, he asked, “So, does this mean… I died?” He didn't want to believe it. The notion itself was stupid... but the more he thought about it, the more convinced he became.

There was no lie in the man’s eyes as he regarded him with a solemn look before he tapped the empty space beside him, gesturing for him to take it, which he did. There was something oddly comforting in the person’s presence and their bodies fit like two missing pieces in a puzzle.

It was the man’s presence that ultimately calmed him down. Everything still didn’t make sense, but there was something in the place that stopped him from freaking out. When he asked Guide about it, he shrugged and simply said, “Yeah, it does that.”

As if this was completely within logical reasons. Guide sighed, “Stay too long and you begin to...forget things.”

“Why is that?”

“Otherwise, your soul remembers and you would be in so much pain, you wouldn’t want to move on.”

As if right on cue, the girl who died from suicide screamed in pain. She picked herself up and began rushing towards the two of them. Guide put himself between him and the girl, “Careful. Don’t let her touch you.”

Iwaizumi watched as the girl rushed downstairs, listened as her wails faded into nothing. Guide smiled sadly, “She’ll be back.”

**10 minutes until the next train arrives**

“Where does the train take us?”

Guide gave a soft laugh, “No idea. I haven’t ridden it yet.”

Iwaizumi turned to him with a frown, “Why not?”

He smiled, “People choose not to ride the train for a variety of reasons.” There was a meaning behind those words and Iwaizumi was suddenly inclined to ask why, “Okay… what’s _yours_?”

Guide blinked at him. He looked like he was struggling inside, trying to decide whether he should spill it or not. Iwaizumi fixed him an intense stare until he sighed in defeat, “I’m waiting for someone.”

 _Ah_. “Who?”

He gave him a playful smirk, “Someone I love.” The look Iwaizumi made must have shown how incredulous he thought it sounded because Guide rolled his eyes, “Rude, _Iwa-chan._ ”

He opened his mouth to say something, but it disappeared at the sound of that nickname. The guy looked shocked like he made a terrible mistake which he covered up desperately by continuing, “I made a promise. I’ve been waiting for more than ten years now.”

Iwaizumi still couldn’t shake off the thought of how that nickname sounded familiar but he pushed that thought aside and said, “That’s quite a long time.”

He shrugged, “I’m okay waiting a little bit longer. I wanted him to live a longer life.” There was hesitation and sadness in his voice when he turned back to him. “Do you remember anything else? About what happened to you?”

Iwaizumi shook his head, “The longer I stay here the more muddled my thoughts are becoming.” He couldn’t very well explain it, but the best he could think of was life: his thoughts, his memories—even the littlest of them, was beginning to look hazy. Like looking through an old piece of film that is slowly decaying.

Guide looked a bit sad. Like he was expecting him to tell otherwise. Iwaizumi wanted to know where the sadness was coming from so he turned to the man and touched his shoulder—

“Iwa-chan, what are you—“ Guide snapped just as a spark of energy flickered between them. Guide pulled away instantly. But it was too late, because when Iwaizumi looked up at him, he finally saw him— _really saw him._

_\---_

“You’re too slow, Tooru.”

"Matte yo, Iwa-chan!"

He scowled at the name and saw the grin from the boy a few steps behind him before he deliberately stopped. It was a hot summer day and their neighbors brought him along on their family trip to the beach. 

The Oikawas lived in the same block, just across the street. Their youngest son, Oikawa Tooru was born a few months after he was and ever since then, the two of them had been inseparable.

Oikawa, he knew, was a lonely kid, but he has a really gentle smile which he really liked.

"I don't want to play with you anymore," Oikawa said, tears brimming his brown eyes. Hajime frowned—he likes Oikawa fine… but there are times he hated this side of him. He is such a crybaby and Iwaizumi is especially weak from his tears. It's unfair and he grumbled as he traced his way back to the kid who was now sobbing silently. 

He put a hand on top of Oikawa’s head and smiled an apology, "Hora, hora... Stop crying. I won't tease you again."

He held out his hand but Oikawa didn’t stop crying. He sighed and knelt down until he could wipe the tears away from his cheeks with his sandy palms. “I’m sorry I made you run after me a lot even when you said you didn’t want to. I won’t call you slowpoke again.” He stopped a chuckle from coming out with the term because he didn’t want to make Oikawa cry more

“Promise me you’ll wait for me?” Oikawa’s voice was soft and sweet when he peeked from his hands. 

Iwaizumi blinked at him, surprised at the promise the boy was asking him. But the brown eyes were looking at him expectantly and he couldn’t help but smile at the innocence of the promise. He put out his pinky and smiled, “I promise.”

_\---_

_BZZZZZTTTT!!!_

"Hajime, open the door please..." His mother called out from the kitchen and he groaned as he put the manga he was reading aside and removed himself from the kotatsu. He didn't know who would be coming this early on a Sunday. He had volleyball practice the entire day yesterday and all he wanted to do was relax.

The doorbell rang for the third time and he frowned, scratching his head in annoyance as he slid the door open, "Haaai... Ohayouu..." His voice was laced with disdain but he stopped when he saw Oikawa’s face _ugly_ crying face.

He frowned when the boy leapt into his arms and whined his name, "Iwa-chaaaan!" His mother who was curious came out from the kitchen and saw the boy. "Tooru?" She said, "W-What's happening?"

Oikawa extracted himself from Iwaizui and gave his mother a polite bow, "Ohayou, obasan. I'm sorry for the intrusion this early... I just... I just..." The unshed tears threatening to fall began falling now and Iwaizumi felt a tug in his heart which he didn’t know where it originated. His mother walked towards them and led Oikawa inside, "Here, don't cry. Hajime, go get some water to calm him down."

Iwaizumi snapped back to his senses and turned to his mother before nodding and running inside the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. His mother led Oikawa inside and had already seated him in the kotatsu by the time he came back. 

He put the glass of water in front of Oikawa who appeared too small and too fragile now. They've been friends for all their lives now and he had never seen Oikawa this upset, not even during the time they fought because of Kageyama. The worst part is he doesn't know why. 

"Oi, speak up." He said, getting more and more impatient. Oikawa turned to him with glazed eyes and he hated how those tears made him feel. He wanted to scratch his own eyes out just so he won't see Oikawa crying.

Oikawa raised his eyes to meet his before he stuttered, "I-I... I'm going to be an uncle." 

Both he and his mother gaped at him… at least until he broke out laughing. His mother threw him a sharp glare to shut him up and he did, but he couldn't help a few more snickers to pass his lips.

"You're upset about this,Tooru-kun?" His mother asked gently. He knew that the boy’s older sister got married late last year so starting a family was inevitable. Still, he didn’t expect for it to warrant such a reaction from him. Maybe, he’d grown up too soon.

Oikawa shook his head in defiance, "No. I'm not... I'm just..." He paused as if trying to consider his words, "Scared... I'm just scared I won't be a good uncle."

Iwaizumi needed to bite the inside of his cheek to suppress another string of laughter. Oikawa was still looking down at his hands and not meeting his eyes. 

His hands were clenched into tiny little fists and placed on top of his bent knees. Tears were still streaming down his face and Hajime wondered how this crybaby could even be a good uncle to someone. It sounds ridiculous, even to him... but, he also knows the boy has a kind and caring heart.

He moved so he could flick his finger on the boy's forehead who wailed in pain, placing a hand on the spot he hit. “You'll be alright, don't worry."

_\---_

“Sorry about earlier,” Iwaizumi said softly when he noticed Oikawa rubbed the spot right on top of his nose where he headbutted him earlier. They were walking home from school, walking side by side closely together and he could feel the warmth of their bodies.

Oikawa blinked at him in surprise, and Iwaizumi felt worse seeing the red welt on the boy’s forehead. But Oikawa beamed, “That’s fine, Iwa-chan. It’s my fault, anyway. If you didn’t do it, I might have done something worse.”

He was right. If he didn’t come earlier, Oikawa would have hit Kageyama and got kicked off from the team. If he came any later, the problem would have been worse than a red welt on Oikawa’s forehead.

 _“You saved me,”_ He said softly, a small, sad smile on his lips _, “You always do.”_

The words held more meaning to him. And the look Oikawa gave him spoke hundreds more. He almost scoffed because if only Oikawa knew how many times he had also been saved by the guy. How many dark places Oikawa had pulled him out from when he was riddled with doubts.

He had always relied on Oikawa the same way the guy relied on him. It had always been part of their dynamics, looking out for each other, taking care of each other—they were each other’s safe place. It was like an unspoken promise between them.

“Shittykawa.”

“Hmn?”

When Oikawa turned to him with a hopeful expression on his face, he felt some emotion stir inside him that he couldn’t name. 

“Let’s go to my house first. Auntie would kill me if you go home looking like that.”

_—_

_“Iwa-chan…”_

Oikawa looked lost again and Iwaizumi sighed in defeat, “Shittykawa, you’re the one who wanted me to be here.”

They were at a bus station, and he, because of Oikawa’s annoying and incessant requests, was there to send him off. Typically it should have been his family… or maybe the rest of Aoba Johsai, but Oikawa wanted him specifically, much to his annoyance.

He would have said _No_ , except Iwaizumi realized that their team losing the last chance they have at nationals doesn’t compare to whatever frustration he felt when he realized that _‘that’_ was the last toss Oikawa would give him in an official match.

The two of them will be parting ways in college—with Oikawa going to a local college and him going to Tokyo U, he wasn’t even sure if they would be able to maintain their friendship, let alone any form of communication.

Maybe, he wasn’t the only one having those thoughts. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be sitting here at the bus stop, freezing to his bones on an unusually cold spring morning just to see Oikawa off to Osaka, when he almost didn’t have any sleep last night from packing his things.

“What is it, Oikawa?” He didn’t mean to sound irritated, but he was still at a loss for how to interpret the unusual sadness he was feeling so he might have turned it to aggression, a thing, he realized he had a habit of doing.

It took a few moments for Oikawa to respond, "Don't miss me too much, 'kay?"

“As if I would,” He said, except he also knew he most definitely would.

"Promise, we'll call each other every day, yeah?” Oikawa asked and Iwaizumi was inclined to say ‘No, we don’t have to do that’ because this was probably the first and only time that he was free from dealing with the boy’s antics. 

He wanted so much to get away from the boy’s annoying presence, or so he claimed… because when Oikawa asked him that, his heart started a funny rhythm and the feeling he had that time when he walked home from school after a heated argument about Kageyama, came back.

So he said _‘Yes’_ because right at that moment, it felt like that was the only correct answer to give.

_\---_

He was not in the best mood when he arrived back in his dorm room after a long day in the lab. He was hungry but too exhausted to even force himself to cook some instant noodles and satiate the gnawing hunger in his stomach. 

He wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be somewhere in Miyagi for Matsukawa’s birthday. But this stupid storm had to get in the way of his perfectly planned weekend.

It had been months since he went home and between juggling his studies and doing part-time work, plus training for the volley team, he was beyond exhausted and definitely deserved some break.

Yes, that was it and definitely not because he wanted to see a certain, insufferable setter from before who had stupidly gone down with the flu so Iwaizumi even had more reasons to want to go to Miyagi.

He was desperate and helpless which made him very, very antsy. He really didn’t want to deal with anyone else so it came as no surprise when his foul mood bled out the moment someone knocked on his door unannounced. It was too late for some visitor, so it probably was someone on his floor, maybe looking for some booze or snacks to raid. The mood, however, disappeared as soon as it came, especially when he heard a certain voice from the other side of the door calling, _“Iwa-chan.”_

There was an unusual skip in his heart when he heard that voice but he credited it to shock and disbelief because, _no... Oikawa wouldn’t have come here just to—_

Except when he tore the door open, Oikawa was there at his doorstep, flushed face hidden beneath layers and layers of damp clothing and when the boy gave him a half-drunk smile, his heart stopped beating.

“ _Baka_ , what are you doing here?!” He demanded, instead of letting Oikawa inside to warm himself or even just to tell him how torn he was seeing him here like this. A few seconds passed before Oikawa answered.

“I… I wanted to see you.” Oikawa whispered, with a giddy smile. Iwaizumi blinked at him, noticing he was acting differently—it was not just the tippling goofy grin on his face but by how his face looked so red and how his breath was too shallow and even the way his lashes fluttered… and the familiarity made him think at how well he knew Oikawa for recognizing even the minute details of his expression for him to realize something was wrong.

Iwaizumi reached out to touch the guy’s forehead and cursed at the surprising heat, “Goddammit, Oikawa. You’re burning. How plastered are you right now?”

Oikawa’s eyes were droopy and he didn’t answer. Iwaizumi frowned, “Does Auntie even know you’re here?”

To which Oikawa shook his head, “Don’t tell okasan.”

“No shit. She’d go ballistic if she found out what you did.” Iwaizumi sneered but led the guy inside his dorm, helping him out of his damp clothes.

“Geez, how many layers are you wearing?” He asked after he already pulled off two coats and one jacket. 

“I get… cold easily,” Oikawa responded.

“I know that.” Iwaizumi sighed, walking towards his dresser to pull out some of his own clothes, “So why even come here?”

It took a few moments for Oikawa to answer and in those mute moments, the guy surprisingly looked afraid. Like Iwaizumi just asked something that threatened his very existence. And then a slow resolve settled on his face and he gave Iwaizumi a pained look, _“I just miss you.”_

It took another few seconds for Iwaizumi to understand what he meant. It was stupid, Iwaizumi thought, not to mention reckless… _so why? Why was he feeling happy about this?_

"Neh, _Hajime?_ "

"Hmn?"

"Promise me you won't tell okasan?"

_\---_

Something between them changed that night. And when Iwaizumi celebrated his 21st birthday in Tokyo, Oikawa made sure not to miss it.

“Yoh, Iwa.” His block mate, Satoshi Ryu who lives across the hall draped an arm around his shoulders while he was on his way back to their table, precariously balancing five bottles of beer in his arms.

“Yeah?” He quipped. He and the guy were not really close as he found the other guy too loud and obnoxious which were two things Iwaizumi sincerely hates unless your name starts with Tooru and ends with Oikawa.

He was out drinking with his friends, including Hanamaki who happened to be in Tokyo for his internship. Oikawa arrived a little later that night as he had a practice match to win. Iwaizumi already told him he need not come, but the guy was persistent. _I never miss your birthday._

Of course, only after he said that Iwaizumi realized that he was right. Oikawa made it a point to always spend his birthday with him, no matter how short of a time it was.

“Your friend, Oikawa is it?” Satoshi continued and Iwaizumi froze. There were a few couple things he knew about the guy—that he swings both ways; that he has an obsession with _pretty things_ ; that he is a serial player; and that it doesn’t help that he has seriously good looks to back up his _games._

In fact, standing a few inches taller than Iwaizumi and with a brown mop of hair, the guy sort of reminds him of Oikawa.

“He’s cute,” Satoshi commented and paused as if he was waiting for Iwaizumi for something— _anything._ Iwaizumi didn’t give him any so he decided to come clean, “Do you know if he’s dating anyone?”

Iwaizumi looked back at their table where Oikawa was sitting and laughing at some joke his friend, Chiyo probably told. The small group was lowkey the entire night until Oikawa arrived looking like a freaking supermodel and now eyes have been lingering at their table, attracting animals like _this guy_.

 _Is he dating anyone?_ Iwaizumi didn’t even know and Oikawa never told him. He since learned that like Satoshi, Oikawa swung both ways, but they never really discussed that. A part of him wanted to say _yes_ because he wanted to protect Oikawa but then again, _what if this guy who is so similar to him could actually make him happy?_

He wasn’t sure if it was their long-standing and freaky connection or their natural gravitation towards each other _(which Hanamaki called really fucking weird either way)_ that made Oikawa spot him in the crowd. The guy’s smile widened upon seeing him before he waved at him enthusiastically, his mouth forming that annoying nickname.

His heart stopped for a moment and when he recovered, he had turned to Satoshi and told him _yes,_ _Oikawa is dating someone_.

“Who was that?” Oikawa queried when he got back. “Just an acquaintance,” he responded.

A look passed over Oikawa’s face… and somehow bled through the rest of the people at the table. He also noticed that their group had switched seats and he, who was sitting beside Hanamaki the entire night had to sit beside Oikawa now. He didn’t mind this, except… for the remainder of the night, they were basically leering at both of them which piqued his curiosity. But he ignored it, in lieu of having a simple, uncomplicated night where everyone could just get crazy drunk and not think of anything else.

“Did something happen while I was getting us some beer?” He demanded when they were back inside his dorm. Oikawa was staying over, Hanamaki, was also supposed too—but for some reason, the latter decided to stay at a hotel tonight, claiming the expense will be paid for by the company he was working in. So that left him and Oikawa here, in his dorm, alone and drunk.

They were sitting beside each other on the floor, close but not touching when he decided to drop the question. “Hmn? Nothing. Just talking about how dense you are.” Oikawa responded slowly like he was trying to navigate through his words.

“What? Dense? Me?” He asked to which Oikawa let out a drunken laugh, “Yeah, yeah. You are… I mean you simply can’t pick up any hints… even the most obvious ones.”

“The hell are you saying?!” He knew they’re both drunk and not making any sense at all.

“Case in point.” Oikawa chuckled, moving so he could poke his finger at Iwaizumi’s forehead, “You.Are.Too.Dense.”

He grabbed the offending finger with an angry huff. Pulling it out of the way—which was a bad thing, because he pulled Oikawa with it, completely forgetting how drunk they both were. Oikawa toppled over him, the force enough to send them down on the floor.

“Ow…” he groaned, rubbing the back of his head. But both of them were too drunk to pick themselves up so they stayed like that, lying side by side on the floor. Then he remembered Satoshi and for some unknown reason, he decided to bring it up.

“By the way, remember the guy who cornered me earlier at the bar?”

“Yeah? The acquaintance?” The disdain in his voice was obvious which got Iwaizumi curious.

“Yeah. Tall good-looking guy with brown hair?”

“He isn’t that good-looking.” His tone got suddenly spiteful. 

Iwaizumi frowned but shrugged, “Well, he kinda reminds me of you.”

It was just a split second but suddenly, Oikawa had sprung up from where he was laying down, to tackle him. Knocking the wind out his lungs, Oikawa, with all his adult weight pushed him against the floor, pinning him down through his shoulders. “Iwa-chan, take that back!”

“What the fuck is your problem?!” He demanded, as Oikawa’s eyes were glassy from tears and they shot fire at him and it must probably be the alcohol in his system but he had never seen Oikawa that mad…no, the look on his face was more than anger. It reminded him of the way he looked at Kageyama that one fateful night back in middle school—like he was, _jealous._

They stared at each other for a long time, Oikawa’s breath coming in harsh huffs. After a while, Oikawa let him go. “You are too dense.” He said, releasing him and moving off of him.

Iwaizumi was left dumbfounded—he kept thinking like he was supposed to know something but kept missing it.

“How drunk are you?” He asked and Oikawa laughed bitterly, “Too drunk.” Iwaizumi reached out to touch Oikawa’s forehead, then cheek just to check his temperature. But the guy leaned into his touch and Iwaizumi was mesmerized by how warm, how soft, and how good Oikawa looked. _Or maybe, he was just drunk._

“I’m sorry for comparing you to him. Especially when he can never even be half the person you are.” Iwaizumi says and the statement puts a smile on Oikawa’s face.

“Anyway, I brought him up because he was asking about you.”

“About me?”

“Yeah. I think he finds you pretty. He asked me if you’re seeing anyone.”

“...and what did you say?”

Iwaizumi suddenly felt uneasy and regretted ever opening up the topic. But he already brought it up. “I kinda told him you are.” Oikawa gaped at him like a deer in the headlights. And _dammit!_ He must have made a wrong judgment call. 

“Although of course, that’s just to protect you from… I mean he’s a known player. But if you like, I could…” he tried to recover but there was already a pregnant pause that followed

Maybe, Oikawa and Satoshi would hit it off. Maybe Oikawa wanted to try. Maybe it wasn’t in his place to tell off the guy.

Oikawa sat up and turned to him, an unreadable expression on his face. “No, that’s just… perfect. You did the right thing.”

 _Which meant?_ “Wait, are you seriously dating someone now?” Iwaizumi asked, ignoring a slight tinge in his chest.

Oikawa grinned, “I wish I was.” The look of longing on his face made Iwaizumi feel embarrassed. He didn’t know what to tell him, but he couldn’t deny the relief he felt when he said that. Which begged the question— _why does he—_

“Neh, Iwa-chan.”

“Hmn?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Huh? What? Are you that lonely?” Iwaizumi would be lying if he never thought about that in his entire life. He always thought Oikawa was too pretty for his own good and when he found out that he’s gay… he sort of, slightly entertained the idea. But he never acted on it because it didn’t seem right at all.

Oikawa shrugged, “Maybe.” He sighed, “Or maybe I’m just drunk. Maybe we both are. Maybe we could do this and forget it tomorrow?”

“That’s a lot of maybes.”

“Heh.”

Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa—stared at his lips. They were moist and pink and he wondered if it would feel the same with all the rest of the girls he made out with. Girls, he never told Oikawa because… he felt the guy would make a fuss over it. He wondered if Oikawa was right… if he, they would forget this the next morning. _Maybe. Maybe._

“Okay.”

_\---_

_Oikawa did forget. Iwaizumi never did._

_\---_

**3 minutes until the next train arrives.**

A look of recognition fell on Iwaizumi’s face and a tear or two started the stream that burst from his eyes. He turned to face the man who was patiently and silently sitting beside him, “Oikawa...” He whispered and the smile he got in return was too blinding. He was undeserving of it.

“Took you long enough.”

“I-I’m sorry.” He stammered, ashamed of himself. Oikawa chuckled until his face became serious and… _sad_ , “I didn’t want you to touch me because I didn’t want you to remember and… feel pain. Here, forgetting is the best gift you will receive. But you grabbed me suddenly and... that’s what happens when you come in contact with another soul in waiting.”

Iwaizumi remembered everything. And he couldn’t put into words what he was feeling right now because he knew exactly how Oikawa died. They were together that night.

_\---_

Oikawa had been asleep for a week now. Waking up seemed a far-fetched idea right now. Doctors told them that he would probably never will. _Only machines are keeping him alive. If we turn them off, he’ll expire._

They explained the process that will happen, the possibilities, then they asked his parents to make the decision, to sign some papers. Iwaizumi didn’t know dying could be so technical.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki with the rest of the juniors came to visit on the second to the last day after Oikawa’s parents made the decision. They allowed friends and family to say goodbye. The second day was exclusively for friends… the third and final day only for family. Iwaizumi stayed in both. The Oikawas knew how important he was to the guy.

“Did you finally find out?” Matsukawa asked him as the rest of the team went out to buy some food, save for him and Hanamaki who decided to stay.

Iwaizumi looked up from the bed where he had his face buried and shook his head, “He was never able to tell me.”

“Maybe, there was really none. You know how he always plays tricks on you.” Hanamaki offered and he almost agreed. But he shook his head, “No. I think he really did intent to tell me… but he’s just too stubborn to do so.”

“It’s his charm.” Matsukawa adds, “If he wasn’t stubborn about his feelings, you two wouldn’t have ended up together.”

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but agree, as he turned to Oikawa fondly. He looked different today—his grayish skin had some color in them, his hair looked the best ever since he got sick. And his lips looked pink and moist. He almost looked like he’s just sleeping.

“I wish I knew what his last wish is.”

_\---_

**2 minutes until the next train arrives.**

“Are you alright?” Oikawa whispered beside him.

Iwaizumi nodded, “I’m sorry… I’m sorry you had to wait this long.”

“Idiot.” Oikawa chuckled, “I told you I’m willing to wait more years if that means you’d live long enough to enjoy the world.”

Iwaizumi was still shaking in his seat so Oikawa reached out to touch him and just like before, he calmed down bit by bit.

“So… I take that you actually did it...”

“Do what?”

“My last wish.”

Iwaizumi took a while to respond. Maybe because it was part of his life he never wanted to remember. Waking up with Oikawa gone and only a piece of a scribbled note to remember him by. 

“Yes.” He responded, “I tried dating Aiko, but we broke up after a few months… there’s just too much history between us.” He paused and examined Oikawa’s expression but it remained eager so he continued, “Then I tried dating a few more, but none of those relationships lasted as well. So I decided to take a break… at least for a few years… and then I met Megumi.”

“Megumi?”

“Yeah, we work in the same company.” Iwaizumi said, “She’s really kind. Very friendly and warm. Has a nice laugh and a pretty smile… and her eyes are really beautiful.” He smiled, “We got married and had a daughter who turned five this year.”

“You must have loved her,” Oikawa said simply. The smile on Iwaizumi’s lips slipped as he turned to look at Oikawa. He wasn’t sad or hurt—just stating a fact. He didn’t look jealous at all, which made him wonder if he was happy for him.

“I did.” He replied, “We were in love… for all those years. Until we weren’t anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“Megumi and I got divorced a few months ago.”

“What—why?”

Iwaizumi sighed, recalling the last conversation they had before separating. How many times he had hurt her because… _You’re a kind man, Hajime. I will forever be grateful to how you took care of me. But you are not in love with me. And I deserved to be with someone who loves me fully. We both deserve that person who will make us happy and I hope you find yours._

“Guess I suck at being a husband?” He suggested bitterly.

Oikawa frowned, “You? That’s impossible. You’re the best guy I know. Even at your worst, you’re still the best boyfriend I’ve had.”

“Yeah, because that’s _you._ ” Iwaizumi supplied and Oikawa stopped. He stared at Iwaizumi for a long while before he spoke again, “You… said you loved her.”

“I did.”

“You had a daughter with her.”

“Yes, Tohru is a lovely girl and I love her with all of my being.”

“You… named her after me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You know why. It’s the same reason why I’ve been a horrible husband to Megumi. Why I'll always be a horrible lover to anyone I'd be in a relationship with,” Iwaizumi sighed, “I was still in love with you.”

Oikawa gave him a shocked, despondent look, bit his lip as it quivered with all the emotions he had kept inside him. “Iwa-chan…”

He gave him a bitter smile and watched as Oikawa reached out to touch his arm. He closed his eyes and wondered if this was just a dream. If he is really dead or he’s just asleep.

But Oikawa’s touch felt so real. He held on to the hand that touched him and pulled the guy to him. He was warm and his smell was familiar. He breathed in his sweet vanilla smell, rid of the bitterness of disinfectant. Oikawa wrapped his arms around him, too as he whispered, “I’m sorry, _Tooru._ ”

“Hmn?” He felt his hum more than heard it.

“For not granting your final wish. I tried to love someone else. I tried… to love her and for a while, I thought I did.” He sighed as he felt Oikawa squeeze him tighter, “But I couldn’t love her just as much as I loved you.”

 _“Hajime,”_ Oikawa called. They pulled away and Iwaizumi realized he was crying. He vigorously rubbed on his eyes to stop the _pathetic_ tears. “I love you.”

Iwaizumi smiled softly and sadly at him, “You’ve made it quite impossible for me to love someone else.”

Oikawa smiled as he touched his cheek and leaned forward to give him a soft kiss—and everything else disappeared. His heart soared and a jungle roared in his stomach as emotions swelled inside his chest, threatening to explode. 

He grabbed Oikawa’s face and deepened the kiss as if by doing so, he had erased all those years they hadn't seen each other. Oikawa didn’t feel different, didn’t taste different. He was just as sweet and as beautiful as he remembered and he wanted to cry because it had been too long… and he had been too tired trying to replace the void Oikawa left when he died.

A rumbling sound came from the distance. Metal clacking with metal. Two bright lights appeared at the furthest part of the station and the louder the sounds got, the brighter the lights became. 

They pulled away, letting the vibrations of the braking train and the sound of their pounding hearts overwhelm their senses. Oikawa was smiling at him and mouthed the words, “I love you.” Iwaizumi thought he was so beautiful, it _fucking_ hurts. 

Iwaizumi closed his eyes:

_Am I dreaming? If I open my eyes, will Oikawa still be there? Or will I be back in my apartment in Tokyo? In my cold bed, in tears, staring at the ceiling? Will I still be alone? Maybe death is not that bad._

He felt deathly afraid of his reality, but when the sound of the train hushed down into a slow, soft hum and the world around him felt unbearably cold, he mustered up all courage and opened his eyes.

**The train has arrived.**

**+++**

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Your comments and kudos are very much welcome.
> 
> Send some love or a shoutout on Twitter! :)
> 
> [ **Follow me on Twitter @DanaiaCake** ](https://twitter.com/danaiacake)


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